Three Reasons Not To Start Practicing Yoga

Today is my two-month YOGAversary. Yes, I’m aware of the exact date I began practicing yoga and am celebrating each and every second, minute, hour, month–everyday should be a celebration of something, right?

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But heed my warning: Yoga is a powerful force that you may want to avoid at all costs.  I was not aware of the spell it would cast over every aspect of my being.  I am writing this to save you!  BEWARE!!!

Yoga will cause you to:

  1.   Avoid fast food, junk food, and any toxic consumption like the plague.

As you begin practicing yoga, you will notice that what you consume has an absolute direct effect on you during practice.  Eating a greasy burger and fries followed by 90 minutes of sweat-cleansing Bikram is the ultimate oxymoron.  You will immediately notice, as I have, that the food and drink you consume have a direct impact on your practice.  Every choice you make has a shout-from-the-roof-top clarion call when you’re on your mat.  This voice will either say, “I’m healing you from the inside out or I’m taking you down b*@%#!” Something inside of you will start to tell you that each food choice you make must be mindful.  Since your mind, body and spirit become one during practice (which is the honest-to-goodness truth) you cannot cleanse your mind and spirit and neglect your body; it just feels completely unhealthy, unnatural and unbalanced.


***So if you want fattening, processed, sugary toxic food and drink, and any other addictions to remain in your daily life, DO NOT TAKE UP YOGA!  I repeat: Run to the nearest McDonalds and order up!


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2. Miss out on all-night Netflix binges.

While I was always one who could fall asleep quickly, that sleep was short-lived. I’d wake a few hours later and then get into panic mode that I will never be able to fall back asleep.  Sound familiar?  Or maybe your mind is racing so much about the events of the past day or the day to come, that you can’t still your mind enough to settle into sleep at all.  Yoga will transform all of this, and quickly I might add.  You will learn how to meditate, how to be still in your body and mind.  Stillness is one of the most challenging poses in yoga, but you learn it quickly, and can’t imagine a life without this quiet,  metaphysical out of body experience.  You will train your mind to return to this place at bedtime and this deep transformative sleep is better than you could ever dream. No pun intended!

***So if you want to enjoy another year or decade of minimal, superficial sleep, or if you love staying up half the night binge-watching shows, tossing and turning, waking up cranky and exhausted to your treacherous alarm,  then taking to a yoga mat should be avoided at all cost!


3.  Lose some so-called friends.

When you begin to have a dedicated yoga practice, you will become someone who enjoys peace so much that it will terrify some people.  You won’t want to get sucked into their drama, gossip, or constant complaining.  You can feel their negative energy a mile away.  The mat has become a mirror for me and I saw so many parts of myself I did not like.  The reflection that is appearing now is one that has the power to stand up and make changes in my life that are making me a truly happy person and unfortunately that pisses some people off, or perhaps makes me so boring because I refuse to engage in their negative webs.  You are going to want to spend all of your time looking for the good in others, rather than engaging in a gossip fest and being judgmental. Yoga will make you realize that you are but one grain of sand on the beach and at the same time, the energy you emit must be positive.  You will quickly know who your real friends are, because they are on the same path towards this drama free, inner peace journey.

*** If you like drama, gossip, pettiness, not seeing the light in others, placing blame, not taking ownership for your own behavior,  and making excuses for the things you do,  then yoga will make you truly miserable.


So to wrap up, yoga will, without a doubt, ruin your relationship with all self-destructive aspects of your life. Not to mention, if you enjoy high cholesterol, high blood pressure, poor digestion, knee, hip, and ankle pain, arthritis, stress or any other wonderful ailments, stay away!!!  DO NOT BEGIN PRACTICING. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!


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6 thoughts on “Three Reasons Not To Start Practicing Yoga

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